Why You Should Never Take Melatonin Before an AP Test

For some strange reason, Iago, Algernon, and Junior are all watching me take my AP Lit test...like some weird hallucination or terrifying fever dream.  I will spend more time listening to these nightmarish phantoms than prewriting and Ms. Serensky will throughly scowl as she reviews my work...especially when she realizes I wrote my essay on the differences between Waiting for Godot, The Sound and the Fury, and Exit the King...in Latin...for my poetry analysis.

Junior: "I'd like one of those for myself" (Currie, 186)
Algernon: "I'm sorry for that, for your sake"(Wilde, 1)
Iago:"Is't possible, my lord?"(Shakespeare, 3.3.355)
Junior: "I don't know what I was expecting, but this was not it"(Currie, 160)
Iago:"This is the fruits of whoring"(Shakespeare, 5.1.116)
Algernon: "I call that business"(Wilde, 3)
Junior:"Listen, some has happened to me, here"(Currie, 122)
Iago:"Come, stand not amazed with it"(Shakespeare, 4.3.239)
Algernon:"Produce your explanation, and pray make it improbable"(Wilde, 5)
Junior:"I knew it would be bad. but I did not know it would be this bad." (Currie, 170)
Algernon:"The truth is rarely pure and never simple"(Wilde, 6)
Iago: "Nay, this was but his dream." (Shakespeare, 3.3.424)
Junior: "Even I'm entitled to get excited"(Currie, 195)
Algernon:"Nobody ever does"(Wilde, 19)
Iago:"I...take my leave" (Shakespeare, 3.3.256)

And so they all left, leaving me to wonder why I was daydreaming about literary characters instead of trying to pave the way for my college...Eh, back to Latin.

This Book is an AWESOME Book!

William Shakespeare woke up one morning, rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, pulled on his high socks and stumbled into the kitchen to make some breakfast.  After deciding that today was a "Apple Cheerio Wednesday", he poured a nice bowl of said cereal and sat down to pen one of his greatest works, Othello, and my favorite book of this year.  Sure, it deals with social issues and blabbity blah blah but I read a book for the characters and their reactions to situations, and oooooohhhhwweeee does Othello deliver the goods or what? Othello represents this eternal quest to be taken seriously by our peers and never truly succeeding to meet other's unrealistic expectations:"Speak of me as I am"(Shakespeare, 5.2.338).  The ladies, admittedly, do very little for me as an actor (unless I watch an actor perform them on stage) but my favorite character, of any character this year, has got to be Iago! He redefines villainy to a point where I have to applaud him for straight-up fooling everyone and controlling the entire situation...until the very end:"I am a very villain else"(4.1.127)  When compared to Iago, everyone seems like a hero, even Ms. Serensky when she argues with our perfectly rational choices in regards to non-fiction authors:"HARRIET JACOBS WAS A SLAVE! HOW DARE YOU HATE HER!!"(Ms. Serensky, That one time I said I hated Harriet Jacobs).  Finally, the true reason I love Othello comes from the poetry in Shakespeare's writing, no one can replicate that in a way that both reads well and can be acted well (Lord knows I've tried pretty pathetically, see previous blogs for examples). So, to end, I say to my copy of Othello, "I am your own forever"(3.4.476).

Oh Boy, Lists are Back!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the well-loved list has returned and I, for one, could not find more happiness than when I count down the "Top Ten Most Thrilling Academic Moments in my High School Career"!...unless pie was somehow involved, then I would be happier...just saying.

NUMBER 1!!!!!
JOSEPH GETTING A FIVE ON THE AP TEST!!!!!
I mean what? I may have gotten a number in between three and five, but I never expected quiet Joseph with a tendency to make belligerent and usually wrong comments to outscore a great deal of our class.  It's moments like these that make me want to "Put out the light, then put out the light"(Shakespeare, 5.2.7) if you know what I mean...murder...that's what I mean.

NUMBER 2!!!!!
WORDS, WORDS, WORDS RAP!!!!!
I have mad flow and true talent for rhyming obscure words; That's why they call me the Obscure Wordsmith on the streets...or Dr. Bear.  Anyway, I wrote a rap song for words, words, words with Alex Kreger for our final and it kicked the crap out of Joseph and Carolyn's rap...which felt so right.  "O, beware, my lord, of jealousy!"(Shakespeare, 3.3.165), I said to Joseph, after schooling him in front of his friends...Then he got a five on the AP test...huh.

NUMBER 3!!!!!
WINNING THE PICKLEBALL TOURNAMENT IN GYM!!!!!
Not many people play pickleball, which could easily explain my winning one game, much less an entire tournament.  For those uninformed, pickleball consists of ping-pong, tennis, and a complete stripping of any dignity you have left, but since two of those ingredients are technically sports, my chances at winning were slim to HAHAHAHAHAHAH NO, NO WAY, NOT A CHANCE.  But, in the end, my triumphs are, "not a very interesting subject"(Wilde, 2), so I will stop boring you.

NUMBER 4!!!!!
STRAIGHT UP QUOTING THE BIBLE IN A DISCUSSION ON ETHAN FROME!!!!!
I thought being an atheist and knowing more about the bible than most Christians made me both cool and mysterious in tenth grade, instead it made me kind of a jerk...but I digress. I really enjoyed making Mrs. Hoffman's job more uncomfortable so bringing in religion to discussion (and also talking about how much Catcher in the Rye sucked) made my day. I felt so clever making a comparison between Ethan Frome and the entire book of Ezekial, but being clever did not help my grade in the least (I got a B) and so, "I am sick to death of cleverness." (Wilde, 16)

NUMBER 5!!!!!
GETTING INTO NYU!!!!!
This is really more of an acting accomplishment, but NYU also only takes smart people so I'm blurring the lines a little bit here.  Getting into a dream school should go on the top ten list of anything, even something totally off-topic like top ten pirates or gold-rush era diseases.  I would like to play pretend for a living and I can think of no better place to "[lead] a double life"(Wilde, 24) than a sixty-three thousand dollar debt-hole!

NUMBER 6!!!!!
JOINING THE PERFORMING ARTS ACADEMY!!!!!
My friends, teachers and relatives have already grown tired of my nonsense in regards to acting, but I just can not express how much this program has influenced my life.  However, when it comes to free time, "I'd like one of those, a life"(Currie Jr., 186)

NUMBER 7!!!!!
MS. SERENSKY'S CLASS IN GENERAL!!!!!
Wooha sucking up! I do actually really enjoy the constant workload, I feel a strange sense of camaraderie stemming from an innate fear of Ms. Serensky's wrath.  Remember fellow AP'ers, "[There will] never be anything but the sorrow...and the determination to go forth in the face of that sorrow."(Currie Jr., 121)

NUMBER 8!!!!!
SEVENTH PERIOD COMMONS, FIRST SEMESTER!!!!!
Again, not much education here, but what a great collection of people! I always say high school creates friends by proxy and that makes me sad, but I'm glad that for one semester I had a fabulous assortment of friends to chat and connect with.  "Even if everything else around here has changed," my adoration for you guys will stay exactly the same (Currie Jr., 166).

NUMBER 9!!!!!
MARCHING BAND!!!!!
As I mentioned before, collective suffering brings people together and nothing comes closer to an internment camp in high school than band camp...or internment camp camp, but no one goes there.  All the fun of coming together as a grade and messing with other "campers" makes up for having to play for hours. So band camp, "I am your own forever."(Shakespeare, 3.4.476)

NUMBER 10!!!!!
WINNING MULTIPLE CHOICE GAMES!!!!!
There is nothing better than winning (JK there's pie).  I have been the top scorer in two out of the eight AP multiple choice games I have played and it feels so good to go "Hey, someone smarter than me, guess you're not so...smart now...huh?" That always gets them.  I did not even place in the last two but I know that "What seem to us bitter trials are often blessings in disguise." (Wilde, 28).

NUMBER 11!!!!!
YOU'RE WELCOME!!!!!

Things I Would Probably Wish to Forget If I Had Any Sense of Morality

I probably should be more embarrassed with the things I do.  I seem to embarrass others (especially my parents) so easily, perhaps I should join the club.  For example, when I picked the poem "Death of an Infant" by Lydia H. Sigourney for our poetry project, I could not wait to make several classmates uncomfortable and alienate Miss Serensky from participating in the saddest pinata ever.  I felt no shame in asking Chase Plante to simply massacre a baby/spongebob pinata for no candy while wearing a scream mask, in fact it only added to making this my favorite poem.  I associate poems with emotions and memories, otherwise I only see a series of random pretty words in a pretentious sequence of nonsense.  So the memory of ironically shaking maracas to the ditty of a dying child written by a woman who lost three children to illness really "is the cause" of my happiness associated with this poem.  I also loved the discussion and how quickly some people associated the poem with religion, under the guise that "'tis happiness to die".  But it really comes down to Sigourney's beautiful writing that sold me on this poem, I felt connected to the speaker intimately and I loved teaching the poem to an audience of my peers.  I still wish Ms. Serensky had a crack at the pinata, "That's a fault."

These are a Few of my Favorite Things

I find beauty in simplicity.  The simple things like getting a good grade, winning the multiple-choice game, and destroying someone in a graded discussion all serve to brighten my life.  But my favorite moment out of a slew of fantastic memories comes from something truly beautiful; Moushumi's mustache.

The internet, unfortunately, has destroyed every single scrap of evidence of this gorgeous, life-changing piece of beauty, so I had to place a replacement picture on the left (which I hope you can see).  Anyway, I had just finished this book which I did not like and only had solace in the knowledge that I had a movie to look forward to.  But, if books usually outrank the movie, then I knew this film was gonna be crap, but, "We live in an age of ideals", so I went along with the hope that I would find marginal entertainment in watching Kumar NOT go to White Castle for some reason.   The film started with the soundtrack of Ms. Serensky snickering away at some hidden knowledge of an impending rite of passage: There would be life before this moment and life afterwards.  After sitting through a great deal of trite nonsense and cries of "Gogol" from Chris (and myself), I heard the resounding cry of "Zounds!" from Shoemaker (I exaggerate a little, but you get the idea).  What could have made him shout so?...Only the oncoming of marvelous destiny in its full pheonix-like form.  I looked up from my copy of All My Sons (OMG I'M AN ACTOR! HEY EVERYONE LOOK HOW WELL READ I AM!) to fully take in the oddest collection of images I have ever witnessed: A strangely pudgy-faced girl with ill-fitting glasses, hair that looked purposefully awful and, to top it all off, a certified grade-a mustachio.  The culmination of emotions in the room rose to a high collective giggle as we all marveled at this quick glance into a parallel universe of horror, but for me, "There's no anger, no joy, no indifference", just pure astonishment at the revelation that I can never truly "un-see" this nightmare...So and that is why I have such fond memories of AP English!

Who Put These Two Together?

Scene --  Maine, Reggie Fox's new manservant Lane has arrived carrying a tray of two champagne glasses and holds a considerable amount of C4 behind his back with the other hand

[Enter LANE]
LANE.    Mr. Reggie Fox
[Enter FOX]
FOX.     Yo, what up Lane?
LANE.     Not much Reginald, what's crackin'?
FOX.     Do you remember what I said about robbing banks now that Disabled Social Security no longer pays for you as my manservant?
LANE.     "No sir; it is not a very interesting subject."
FOX.    Well shut up, the government ain't payin' you to say boring stuff.  You are paid to announce my entrance into every room and put swizzle sticks into my champagne.
LANE.     Yes sir.
FOX.     Now keep the bank thing in mind cause "I'm gonna get read weird with it."
LANE.     Oh I do love pop culture references sir!
FOX.     Shut up Mary Poppins, now, did you get that C4 I asked you for?
LANE.     "Yes, sir; eight bottles and a pint."
FOX.    C4 comes in a liquid now?
LANE.   Science, sir.
FOX.     Indubitably, mothascratcha.  Well anyway, I'm gonna use that C4 to not just rob a bank, "I'm-a blow that motherf***** up."
LANE.    Well that will accomplish absolutely nothing positive sir
FOX.  'Scuse me?
LANE.    Simple math dictates that destroying a building with a great deal of money leads all that money to be destroyed...even simpler math dictates that you are an imbecile.
FOX.   "Least you finally bein' honest."
LANE.  When am I ever not honest?
FOX.     ....Shoot
LANE.    Good day                                                                                                         [Exit LANE]

Today Was A Good Day

Today marks the day, the day of all days
An hour upon, which all shall remember
As the great AP multiple choice game.
Students quake in fear as I enter the room.
There is less quaking when the other three
Blacken the doorway with their presence.
Alex Kreger, Thomas Donley and John
All trail behind me and form something
Great, we are the Redeem team.
"Holla! stand there!" I shout, we are here to do
One thing, and that is win. Then kill my wife.
But soft! Challengers approach with brute eyes
And stupid nicknames like High Style and Iago.
"He's the most popular boy in class", says
A girl with odd hair and a cool partner.
The teacher quiets everyone with a
Glare that tends on mortal souls.
"Number one is A" she speaks, and all cheer
"No talking until I say who got the points"
After the hush, she assumes "All groups"
A cheer resounds, high-fives and cries of "Toast"
Litter the air with their inanity. "Except"
She smiles a devilish smile and turns
"The dream team" O how her words burn!
"O, blood, blood, blood!" cry I, my rage rising
Thomas just journals, while Alex surmises
 That I have developed a new rhyme scheme
And the end of the act means the end of our team.
We must step ahead if we wish to succeed!
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers
Carry on through the dark of an initial
Setback. Point upon point, arme upon arme,
We earn our keep as the team dreams are
Made of. As the final question approaches,
The score remains tied between our good souls
And Greenlaw's stacked team of champions.
Lady Serensky utters some garbage
About something wicked this way comes,
Then announces, bold and proud, the ending,
As it should be loud, "Our winner here,
I must admit, although I find them full of"
"Get on with it!" I shout, "Enough of this
Petty pace". "Fine," she states, "Of course it's you"
"They cheated!" shouts Henry, "Through and through"
We won by being smarter than you
"This only is the witchcraft I have used"
And so my best day has come to an end
Give not this rotten orange to your friend