So Now What?

I know, I know, you're all suffering from post-holiday depression (which probably stems from that extra five pounds you've gained), but, in some twisted way, I'm sure some of you are also suffering from post-novel depression as well. We've just spent a month dealing with Gogol's whining about his name, Ashima whining about Gogol's name, and Ashoke whining about trains, names, and automobiles...oh, did I mention names? So now what? I miss the familiar stress that comes with data sheets, the race-against-time feeling that comes with reading a chapter every night, and the lack of self-confidence/anger towards my peers that comes with graded discussions! I found myself over the break trying to recreate these situations by reading about nine or ten plays, subjecting myself to extremely cold temperatures and trying to debate philosophy while being asked to, "pass the stuffing and kindly shut up."  AP English is like an abusive relationship; It hurts, but I know it still loves me, and so I come crawling back day after day...but there's nothing to crawl back to for who knows how long?! I'm sure my tone will change once the inevitable essay rears its ugly head, but until then...please take me back AP English, this whole "long-distance" thing isn't working out.

Congratulations, You've Pissed Off Scores of Well-Read Fanboys

Branching off of our watching Mira Nair's film adaptation of The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri (You may have heard of the book, we kinda spent a month reading it) brings to mind a slew of unfortunately poor novel-to-film adaptations (Not that I don't like Nair's film, I actually like it a lot, but I enjoy focusing on negative things...it makes life more fun).
1.The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy-A great first example (if I may say so myself) of why sometimes books...should just stay books.  Douglas Adams used humor through a dry, witty narrator and putting normal characters in wacky situations (He then goes into great literary depth for a genre-novel, but I'm just pointing out the obvious here), the movie seemed to interpret "dry, witty narrator" as "delete the narrator almost entirely" and "wacky situations" as "Mos Def".  This, coupled with lame special effects and an even more lame tacked-on ending about how mice rock or something stupid like that don't exactly help this film's cause.
2.How the Grinch Stole Christmas- These first two movies share only a few things in common: They suck, and their author's were both lucky enough to not witness their beloved literary creations of all charm and replaced with Jim Carrey.  Obviously I am not referring to the brilliant animated movie starring Boris Karloff and featuring this handsome devil (http://simplyxmas.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/grinch.jpg) because this list focuses on movies that ruined my childhood, not movies that brightened my heart and changed my perspective on animation (that would be a far more boring and less relevant use of your time). I'm sorry Jim, but angry slapstick isn't as funny as you probably hoped it would be.  It also doesn't help that I hate Faith Hill...hate
3.The League of Extremely Ordinary Gentlemen- Yes, I know what you're thinking, "Wow Dom, this list is soooooo interesting! I love reading you mock children's movies! You're so strong and manly!" Well, thank you.  But, for your information Little Miss Sarcasm, this film was based off a very well-researched comic series, the gimmick being a collection of public access literary heroes and villains combining into one fighting force.  "That...sounds...awesome!", cried the director and so he cast Sean Connery as Allan Quartermain: "That...sounds...awesome!", cried optimists everywhere, "I see no way this could terribly wrong!".   Whoops.  Turns out adding a slew of new characters to an already-filled cast (Wait, Tom Sawyer is the son of Allan Quartermain?) in addition to not being Alan Moore can really sink a promising ship like this one.  Also, killing Connery's career puts this movie on my bad side for the rest of eternity.
4.I, Robot- I, Robot, the book, redefined everything about robots and basically laid down the foundation for every robot movie, book, radio serial, and T.V. show afterwards.  It introduced the concept of robotic  psychological complexity (following a series of three rules summed up as don't hurt humans, obey humans, protect yourself).  Unlike the preceding three films, I, Robot the movie does not make me want to walk on broken glass while drinking a fine bleach cocktail.  But it just seems like the screenwriters went, "OK, we have to keep the three rules, but all that psycho-barble-jarble can easily be replaced by some good old-fashioned Will Smith one-liners! I loved The Fresh Prince!"... To be fair, I also love The Fresh Prince, but I also love intellectual depth (as referenced by my apparent need to mock films aimed at children), this filmed lacked both.
5.You're welcome

Data Sheet Survival Guide

Hey guys, data sheets are due by the end of this week!  WHEEEEEEE!  I know what you're thinking, "OMG I ONLY HAVE THREE PAGES IM GONNA FAIL SCHOOL AND NEVER MAKE IT INTO COLLEGE AND MS SERENSKY'S DISAPPROVING FACE WILL HAUNT MY DREAMS FOR ETERNITY!!!" Fear not, I have prepared a handy guide for writing the greatest data sheet of all time in one easy, step-by-step manual:
1.Calm down, you did not need to yell, typing in all capital letters has a negative connotation anywhere and will encourage other internet users to look down on you.
2.Do you have a girlfriend? Boyfriend? Significant other? Not anymore! Explain to your better-half that you've been needing some space and maybe you two should see other people (Please do not explain that "other people" means a twenty-page paper, this tends to dull the emotional impact and makes for simply awful rumors about your moral character).  Now that you have freed yourself from that ball-and-chain, meet your new beloved: Mr/Mrs. Data Sheet! For the next few days you two will be inseparable, and you'll learn all of the various pros and cons of dating a school assignment (Pros include the inability to quack but it cannot make a sandwich to save its life).
3. Apply same techniques to family, friends, pets, and various other clingy people who take up too much of your time with their stupid "needs" and "appetites", they'll understand that you only leave your room to attend school and to hunt for food
4.Befriend Jhumpa Lahiri - I know this might sound hard at first, but you have at least two days to visit her in Brooklyn and earn her respect and literary knowledge on her own works.  I would suggest blackmail, but I can't actually do that legally... so I'm going to explain to you that telling Jhumpa Lahiri to write your data sheet or her two children (Octavio and Noor...nice names) will have a tragic being-pushed-into-the-polar-bear-exhibit accident is SUPER ILLEGAL and I would NEVER suggest it.
5.Befriend Ms. Serensky - This might actually be impossible, just ask a certain Mr. Donley (DEAR JOURNAL) but it's worth a shot.
6.And finally, just finish it. This isn't our first data sheet so we know how to do well and honestly, we're all gonna complete it (some of us may spend more time typing anti-data sheet facebook statuses than others, but it will still get done).
7.You're welcome

What's in a Name Exactly?

So, due to our book The Namesake  focusing on names, our class discussions have primarily been about names and their importance.  But what makes names important? I just have trouble believing that I would be any different of a person if my name was Steve.  Steve Russo (despite being even less Italian than myself) would probably still act, still use sarcasm, and still cry for twenty minutes after stubbing his toe in his spice garden.  Another point brought up was the traditional practice of the wife adopting the husband's last name after marriage and the significance of this.  I truly believe women can choose whatever they want (under the law) and so I do not necessarily care whether they accept the last name, but I do think it strengthens the connection between two people.  I feel that people in this book (and even in life) believe that names are something to live up to and that is their tragic downfall.  How could I live up to "being of the Lord?" I understand how I could never live like God and so I move on with my life.  Your name does not define you, it does not confine you, and it certainly does not design you (because that does not really make sense).