This is how I imagine I look when I freestyle rap in the middle of band. Just kidding. I look way cooler than that guy. If you have been anywhere near me in the past couple of days, you may have noticed me mumbling to myself in some sort of a lyrical fashion while awkwardly bobbing my head up and down to invisible bass drums. No, I have not joined a cult, I have instead developed a sad belief that I can rap with some talent. Why I have now chosen to drop into a rhythm-infused faux hip-hop artist at this point in my life, I have no idea. I can possibly attribute this to a vast knowledge of hip-hop instilled at a young age (I was given a copy of The Chronic when I was nine) finally coming into bloom or perhaps some sort of mid-young-mid crisis due to our newest book Everything Matters! What if I die tomorrow without fulfilling my secret dreams of being able to rap!? No one will feel the heat of my rhymes, hear my simply popping (with a hard "g" sound) lyrics, or stomp to the mad beats that I put down! No one will experience...Dr. Bear...yes that is my rap name...Dr. Motherscratchin' Bear. With this new persona, I can do anything! People will say "Why does Dom keep calling himself Dr. Bear?" and someone wiser will say "You mean, 'why does Dr. Bear keep calling himself Dr. Bear?'". It can only grow from there: I predict some fancy cars, a new laser helicopter (I'm a nerd), and a whole bunch of ladies (uh...to keep my girlfriend company...I hope she does not read this...I'm a nerd). So, when I own the airwaves with my vernacular of the streets (or go to jail), you can remember me as that kid with the dream...who ended up in jail.
Dom, I support your dream to become a rapper. I will even promise to buy your first album if you get around to producing it. This reminds me of one of my own dreams which many do not know about or mock. I really want to learn how to beat box. I think it is one of the coolest things. I attempt occasionally but have yet to come anywhere close to perfecting it. I will keep working at it, maybe take a class or something, and hopefully one day you and I can collaborate on a song together and make millions.
ReplyDelete