Partial transcripts from the files of Dominic Russo, B.S., B.F.A., Actor and Unqualified Psychiatrist, Chagrin Falls, Ohio. Client is Rodney Thibodeau. Sessions conducted between 4/7 and 4/7. Transcribed to hard copy from my Capote-esque memory.
4/7, Thurs., 1:00-1:50 p.m., client's home
Who are you?
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Oh, you don't look like my normal psychiatrist, that's why I asked.
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Yeah, I was!
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Why do you need to say what I was in?
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Oh, it's a cool literary device? That's nice.
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No I do not know what a literary device is.
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Well, starting over then, I was in AP English 11 last year!
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I don't know about any of that, I think anyone could take AP English.
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Yep, even me!
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Well actually cocaine really would have helped me get through that class, because I get distracted sometimes with a lot of instructions
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I don't remember how cocaine connected to that.
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I forget things pretty much all the time.
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Well it reminds me of when Junior says, "You're smarter than me in a lot of ways.", except at memorizing quotes, which explains why I dropped this year.
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Oh yeah, I understand two things really better than everyone: Baseball and non-fiction literature. I guess people just like to watch baseball more.
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No, I would not say that, after all, "Everything matters".
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What?
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I never say that in the book?
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So that quote does not count?
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Oh, well then I guess we still have to force two more quotes then, huh?
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Oh it's no problem, I'll wait.
4/7, Thurs., 1:55- 3:00 p.m., client's home
Did you have a nice bathroom break?
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Thank you, I bet you have nice sinks too.
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Oh yeah, AP English! I totally forgot! Um, I guess I learned how to write. That matters a lot.
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No, Junior did not do AP English.
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I would not say he missed out much, he can find a great place to discuss literature and develop a class-wide bond that no one else understands somewhere else.
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"Listen, I don't like you saying things like that about my brother."
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Well he got scared of Ms. Serensky like every other junior in existence.
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What?
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I don't get it.
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Oh, his name is Junior and he was a junior in high school at one point in his life, I guess that's funny.
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You're probably right, I don't really understand most complicated jokes.
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Junior, the junior, thought Ms. Serensky's quotes were funny but a little, um what's the word?
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No, it starts with an "r"
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Rushed! Yeah! But he understood, he said something about nice gestures and too much thought, what do you think?
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About the quotes.
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You think they could go away?
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No I don't believe that.
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"Because God wouldn't do that to us."
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I'm sorry, this interview isn't working out.
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Because even I can tell you're not really a psychiatrist.
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Because of your Heinen's uniform.
[Client exhibiting uncharacteristic signs of agitation; calling real psychiatrist, calling the police, calling a pizza guy, frequently mentioning introducing my head to the business end of a Louisville Slugger]
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Dom, I want you to go
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Because the pizza will be here soon and I'm one-hundred percent positive you peed in my sink.
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[Client shouts something about how the sinks are no longer pretty, rising from his seat and exhibiting highly agitated and hungry behavior. Session terminated.]
Dom, I really appreciated how you used the same interview style used in the book to write your journal, I felt it was clever. The interview itself was well thoughtout, interesting, and of course, humorous. Excellent work my friend.
ReplyDeleteHey there, Dom! I was quite entertained by your blog as usual. I loved how you paralleled it so closely to the interview in the novel- quite witty choice! And it made me giggle- you have a wonderful sense of humor, and NYU will be lucky to have you! Please perform this interview at your next audition.
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