Oh You Have No Idea

This angry, angry man represents my feeling when someone asks me "What's a college audition? Why would you do that?" Now, I'm not necessarily mad because people are bloody ignorant apes but more because theatre (and acting specifically) remains one of the only careers where you have to prove your talent on the spot before the college even considers you.  A college audition consists of a few standard things:The hours of travel spent re-reading monologues and comic books, the effeminate man signing you in and mispronouncing your last name (seriously, it's Russo...not that hard), hours of waiting before you show off to about one to five very bored professors for about three minutes, an hour of crying in the bathroom, then several weeks of waiting next to your mailbox as you await the result of practicing two monologues a couple of times.  The  real frustration, however, comes from the "Why?" because honestly?...I don't know.  It does not make any sense that I would have to train for hours to attend a college (averaging at about 40 to 50 thousand dollars a year) for a career that typically makes an average of zero dollars a year (discounting waiter's tips or "I told you so" sympathy dollars from grandparents).  Why only actors? I think more socially relevant professions should have to audition as well! Like doctors! Quick! You have three minutes to perform surgery on this guy...then wait three months to find out if he lived! Such is life I suppose, but if I'm not at school, it's a safe bet to assume that I'm going through more stress than most people can imagine...but not you...you take AP English...you understand.

Keep the Blogs!

Seriously, I find it hard to believe that anyone would care to get rid of these marvelous creations that we call blogs.  It shakes me down to my very core, not literally because that would be weird and require medical attention but I think you get what I'm saying.  These blogs give me a form of creative release that I find hard to express sometimes in the rigidity of our class and in the process of timed writings in general.  I also think reading other people's blogs and hoping to get on the blog banter adds a frail sense of purpose to my empty shell of an existence... So yeah, big ups of the bloggios (as the young kids call them).  If the blogs go, I go!...not really, I just wanted to end on a positive note.

A Year in Pictures!

Well, finals are coming up for all you folks who take actually classes besides AP English and WHOA YEAH NORMAL STATS.  So I decided I would make my own little top ten list...wait, we only need eight photos?...My own little top EIGHT list of my favorite photos of the year and what they represent to me in terms of AP English with each one so it doesn't seem like I'm pointgrabbing.

1.This picture of the space shuttle Endeavour silhouetted against Earth's background symbolizes our lifting off from Chagrin Falls High School to (hopefully) greater places...space wouldn't be so bad.








2.These old people know little about politics.  As members of the Tea Party (literally...the Boston Tea Party), they still find themselves confused that the words "black" and "president" can be placed next to each other.  The clever communist logo on that man's poster reminded me of how bothered I find myself when people fail to research something obvious like grammar...or the definition of communism.

3.Oh...my...god...this picture has a lightning bolt striking a volcano while it shoots out hot lava all over Iceland....just add a unicorn and you have the most awesome photo ever...Just like AP English is the most awesome class ever!

4.This picture of a guy with really cool hair at the NFL Draft probably knows more about sport (and hair products) than I'd ever care to know. However, unlike the NFL draft, I know how the AP English Multiple Choice Game Draft works.  Also, unlike the NFL draft, the people who you pick DEFINITELY matter! There will always be a totally stacked team (probably consisting of women), the guys will always segregate themselves into two groups and Carolyn's team will have a dumb slogan like "Toast"

5.Queen Elizabeth scares the crap out of me...I can't explain why.  Maybe it's her cold stare directly into your soul or her power that only affects a certain population of people but I just get the willies whenever I see her...I have no one to compare this to in AP English...There is no high authority figure who I sometimes fear for reasons unknown...Her name certainly doesn't rhyme with Bobinski.

6. These Indonesians have no idea that the determination and strength it takes to hold onto a moving train to get to work simply PALES in comparison to typing a data sheet... I could hold onto a train in my sleep...pansies.

7. Oh hey there Saudi soldier, whatcha got there? A snake! You say you're eating a snake to prove your manliness to the other soldiers? Well have you even penned a timed essay without the use of the book? You haven't! Well then I guess my entire AP English remains manlier than a soldier eating a snake...as par usual

8.Sometimes I feel like a sad, half-naked Asian man carrying my man-purse by my neck in a river of what appears to be urine... oh sure it's oddly specific, but I'm sure you have similar Suessian nightmare feelings such as this one, and only one thing can solve it... realizing you have no finals to worry about! A blog talk?! OH BLESS THE GODS! HAHA ALL YOU PEOPLE TAKING CALC! I'll be scampering off to normal stats (whoa yeah) and enjoying my rest.

9. You're Welcome

(Data) Sheet-er Island

You may be asking yourself, "Why is that dashing young man with outrageous physical strength and intelligence wasting his time with a comprehensive book analysis of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest?" The answer is simple really, I am an undercover U.S Marshall disguised as a college-bound adult taking a college level English class...I also look a whole lot like that guy from Inception.  My real name is Onicmid Usros, but I go by the much easier to pronounce Dominic Russo...no one suspects a thing.  I've been sent on a case to recover a missing student by the name of Micniod Oruss, but none of the students seem to remember a student by that name, and the teacher is no help either: "Dom, shut up, you're not a U.S Marshall, now go do your data sheet." or "Micniod? That's just Dominic spelled incorrectly, do you think I'm an idiot?" are the typical responses I receive from ruthless interrogation (which consists of passive-aggressive Facebook statuses and making rude comments about their parking abilities) Now everyone's convinced I'm actually an AP English student and they're not letting me out of this class without finishing this data sheet.  Looks like there is no escape, I have to live with the guilt of my own procrastination for the rest of my life.  Is it better to live as a genius or die as really attractive, good-smelling, person who does not type twenty-page papers?

Back to School Blues

Cue the soulful bass-line, low-key drums, and the heavy-set female singer because I've got a bad case of the blues; Break finally comes to an end tomorrow and we have nothing to look forward to with the exception of finals and a data sheet.  BUT FEAR NOT!  As AP English students, we have the astounding ability to sink right back into the daily grind of school and (gasp) actually enjoy ourselves throughout the day, all fueled by the deep-seated love/fear of English class.  And really, we're graduating soon, some of us have already been accepted into colleges and I know that I've personally checked out of several classes (WHOA YEAH NORMAL STATS).  This moment actually feels more sweet than bitter; although this will go down in history as our last winter break at Chagrin, it only signifies our moving on to bigger and (hopefully) better things with the knowledge we gained here.  So whether you plan on counting the days until spring break or you plan on never leaving Ms. Serensky's classroom (If you look hard enough, you can still see Joey Radu sneaking around), I thank you guys for sharing a wonderful four years of high school and an even more wonderful two years of English with me.

It's Gonna Be A Happy New Year!

Hello followers, all eight of you, happy new year! A time of failed resolutions, awkward midnight kisses and sneaking sips of champagne despite a good two-thirds of your family having a wonderful time with alcoholism...for some, I, however, have never had any of those problems...any...so stop asking.  Anyway, I had a question for all you AP English rascals; How many of your resolutions actually last a year (or even a month) and how many of you actually make resolutions?  I personally stopped setting expectations for myself years ago because I feel like I would drive myself crazy actually trying to accomplish the ridiculously high goals I would set for myself (ie. Lose five pounds, read books, learn how to dance...like really dance, not awkwardly move my hips to some imaginary rhythm).  I think I may change this year now with my new and improved critical mind, or I may end up analyzing (see: Judging) others based on their resolutions. Either way I'm going make sure my resolution lasts until Jan 2 at least.

How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count The Presents

Well, Christmastime has come and gone and in its place grows a swift, post-holiday depression that no amount of eggnog or silly red hats can satiate.  But in comes AP English to the rescue to help me analyze all of my friends and relatives ...through the presents they gave me... in list form!
1.Two posters professionally framed and hung in my room - This indirectly characterizes my mom as well-acquainted with my love of rock music and cheesy wall clutter.
2.Underwear and socks - This negates any love my mother has given me ever
3.Candy - This indirectly characterizes Santa as jolly and possibly rotund.  By assuming that I love candy (I do, by the way), Santa drew a parallel between himself and me which, continuing the parallel, implies I am slightly overweight during the holiday season...these assumptions, unfortunately in some cases, prove themselves correct.
4. A Snoopy light-up house - This gift from my Grandparents asserts their earlier claim that they "Love my shows" despite their disapproval of my acting. Snoopy remains my favorite character to date and the hand-crafted effort indirectly characterizes them as hard-working and determined to sway me to a more lucrative career like carpentry or electric engineering.
5.A Box of Chocolate Pretzels and Persepolis - This indirectly characterizes my girlfriend as wicked awesome.  Her picking up my subtle (I'm a guy so it wasn't that subtle, but you get the idea) clues that I love candy and graphic novels indirectly characterize her as a keeper!
6. Money - A gift I received from the majority of my relatives, money indeed makes the world go round. This money metaphorically represents the struggles I will encounter through college and eventually in life outside of school, by preparing me now, my relatives understand that I will emerge from schooling as a force to be reckoned with, a giant among men, a financial colossus dominating Wall Street with my mighty economic prowess... or they're just lazy and know nothing about me.
7. You're Welcome - A gift from me to you. This symbolizes the end of my blog entry.