It's Gonna Be A Happy New Year!

Hello followers, all eight of you, happy new year! A time of failed resolutions, awkward midnight kisses and sneaking sips of champagne despite a good two-thirds of your family having a wonderful time with alcoholism...for some, I, however, have never had any of those problems...any...so stop asking.  Anyway, I had a question for all you AP English rascals; How many of your resolutions actually last a year (or even a month) and how many of you actually make resolutions?  I personally stopped setting expectations for myself years ago because I feel like I would drive myself crazy actually trying to accomplish the ridiculously high goals I would set for myself (ie. Lose five pounds, read books, learn how to dance...like really dance, not awkwardly move my hips to some imaginary rhythm).  I think I may change this year now with my new and improved critical mind, or I may end up analyzing (see: Judging) others based on their resolutions. Either way I'm going make sure my resolution lasts until Jan 2 at least.

How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count The Presents

Well, Christmastime has come and gone and in its place grows a swift, post-holiday depression that no amount of eggnog or silly red hats can satiate.  But in comes AP English to the rescue to help me analyze all of my friends and relatives ...through the presents they gave me... in list form!
1.Two posters professionally framed and hung in my room - This indirectly characterizes my mom as well-acquainted with my love of rock music and cheesy wall clutter.
2.Underwear and socks - This negates any love my mother has given me ever
3.Candy - This indirectly characterizes Santa as jolly and possibly rotund.  By assuming that I love candy (I do, by the way), Santa drew a parallel between himself and me which, continuing the parallel, implies I am slightly overweight during the holiday season...these assumptions, unfortunately in some cases, prove themselves correct.
4. A Snoopy light-up house - This gift from my Grandparents asserts their earlier claim that they "Love my shows" despite their disapproval of my acting. Snoopy remains my favorite character to date and the hand-crafted effort indirectly characterizes them as hard-working and determined to sway me to a more lucrative career like carpentry or electric engineering.
5.A Box of Chocolate Pretzels and Persepolis - This indirectly characterizes my girlfriend as wicked awesome.  Her picking up my subtle (I'm a guy so it wasn't that subtle, but you get the idea) clues that I love candy and graphic novels indirectly characterize her as a keeper!
6. Money - A gift I received from the majority of my relatives, money indeed makes the world go round. This money metaphorically represents the struggles I will encounter through college and eventually in life outside of school, by preparing me now, my relatives understand that I will emerge from schooling as a force to be reckoned with, a giant among men, a financial colossus dominating Wall Street with my mighty economic prowess... or they're just lazy and know nothing about me.
7. You're Welcome - A gift from me to you. This symbolizes the end of my blog entry.

Who Can Say If I've Been Changed For The Better?

Sigh, sorry about the musical reference, my life over break has been soundtrack after soundtrack interrupted only by movies and work.  But I digress, I wanted to bring up a very serious question about AP  English in the real world: Does analyzing everything around us make us happier people? Or even smarter? Sure we all joke about how we share connections to Chief Bromden or Gogol or Moushumi but I think the constant analysis of daily life outside of the novels can alienate AP English students from the rest of the school, if not the world.  For example, I accidentally logged into my original blog (the one I lost the password for) and realized: I had done this before and posted a blog without even realizing and this original blog had nearly double the hits of my current one.  I actually said out loud, "Wow, this basically indirectly characterizes everyone as lazy for not realizing I have a new blog." What? Who says things like that? Do not get me wrong, I do feel smarter, but as an already critical person recovering from OCD, do I really need to find more faults in things?  This attention to detail frequently causes me to miss out on the big picture: I forgot when Christmas was because I was too busy focusing on how I should go about buying gifts and if my parents would notice where I hide things and which hiding spot seems the least suspicious and is it even worth hiding gifts or even wrapping wrapping them and should I wrap them and if so what paper should I use and what paper really symbolizes me, you know? I love this class, but I'm asking you, does this added intelligence make you happy? 

The Big Five

No, my title does not refer to the five articles of clothing required to play in the snow at Gurney (but I do not blame you for reminiscing), I mean the top five Academy Awards a film can win (Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Director, and Best Screenplay (Adapted or Original).)  Only three films have swept the Academy and won all five, One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest happens to stand among those three. I decided (since we are not watching this movie for some strange reason) that I would make a list of the other big five winners (and some other films which came close) and let you guys discover some new films to check out (although who knows?  Maybe Shutter Island will five Academy Aw-HAHAHAHA I couldn't even type that with a straight face.)

1.It Happened One Night (All 5) - The weird thing about this movie is that ...nothing happens in one night.   It takes place over several nights and none really define the plot.  It's standard Clark Gable fare, (Woman doesn't initially like him, woman then loves him after hitchhiking by showing off her leg), but still very fun and worth seeing.

2.The Silence of the Lambs (All 5) - I have seen hundreds (if not thousands) of films, and Anthony Hopkin's performance will always be in my top ten.  The film revolves around Jodie Foster, a new FBI agent, trying to find Buffalo Bill, a serial killer, with the help of former serial killer and cannibal Hannibal Lector (Anthony Hopkins).  This movie made me want to be an actor.  I recommend this movie very highly

3.Gone with the Wind (4, Gable lost Best Actor) - 1939 is generally held as one of the greatest years of cinema, partially because of this film.  I'm not going to go deep plot-wise because it's like four hours long and you probably don't care but trust me, this film is worth every second (even the four minute intermission)

4.American Beauty (4, Bening lost Best Actress) - Kevin Spacey went to Juilliard...they have a bit of a reputation for popping out the best actors ever, Mr. Spacey holds that reputation quite strongly in this film about one man dealing with suburbia slowly killing everything around him.  Not the cheeriest of movies but frankly I do not care if you leave any of these films feeling happy about yourself, welcome to film school.

5. You're welcome

OH SHOOT

After some successful counting, I realized I am one blog short for this week (2 - 1 = 1!) and I needed to do some quick thinking if I was going to complete my blog quota successfully.  "I've got it," I said with way too much enthusiasm and out loud, "I'll make a list about...something!" But then after my parents calmed me down for yelling things about my blog out loud, I realized i've become...the list guy. I cannot be that guy. What will my grandkids think? "Oh great, it's Grampa, maybe he'll make a list about how he had to blog uphill both ways in the snow."  OK, so no list, maybe I'll talk about how I find AP English everywhere in my life! Like how I can analyze what people do in their spare times by the groceries they buy at Heinens! (Spoiler Alert:It usually ends up being eating) I'll even post a picture of the logo! http://assets.thecitymission.org/501185/6_heinens_logo.jpg Then I'll write more excited sentences ending with an exclamation mark! No, that will end up becoming a list of something nobody cares about and WILL NOT GET ME ONTO THE BLOG BANTER SHOW! MY LIFE DEPENDS ON ME GETTING ON BOBBIE'S BLOG BANTER! MORE THAN MY CAPS LOCK KEY OR MY DIGNITY!...hoo boy, calming down now...ok...woo...and...we're...gooooooood. Ok, moving on, I think I'll just write a self-parody and call it a night.
1.You're welcome

Why I Am A Genius...And Humble To Boot

People love stupid things.  This scientific has inspired literally millions of inventions: The internet, fire, the internet, the internet, and the Guitar Hero franchise all come to mind... oh did I mention the internet? Yeah, people just love incorrectly using this vast emporium of knowledge at our fingertips (I would know, I'm currently on Facebook, Gmail, a guitar tablature website, and someone else's Facebook).  We find websites like MyLifeIsAverage (and all of its step-sites), AwkwardFamilyPhotos, ThisIsWhyYou'reFat, and http://sarahjessicaparkerlookslikeahorse.com/ to waste our time and delay the inevitable data sheet or whatever else is simply DESTROYING our lives by its very presence.  So i've come up with a brilliant new idea that practically gives me money just by thinking about it: MyLifeIsAPEnglish.com!  Greatest idea since sliced bread, lightsabers, and the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders combined? I'd like to think so! Everyone would post regularly about how their lives coincide with AP English! It would be like...blogging...for a grade....shoot. Never mind, I'll leave the phenomenal ideas to someone else.

And So It Begins...

You've heard of it, some of you may even have it, it's the dreaded...Senioritis!  Senioritis (for all two of you people who have not heard of this medical malady) consists of a undeserved sense of self-righteousness, "coasting", and general apathy.  This usually occurs during the last year of high-school (see SENIORitis), but doctors have concluded that I (a particularly rare case) have apparently had Senioritis since the fifth grade.  However, since being accepted into college today (NBD), I have entered a new stage of Advanced Increased Double Senioritis...or AIDS for short.  Any will to work that I had left has been instead replaced by a will to make sarcastic comments and wear ironic underpants.  This really shouldn't affect my day-to-day life since my school consists of playing pretend and AP English, but I worry about others and their reactions to this newfound Senioritis.  No one has explained to these kids that, at this point in their lives, their bodies are going to go through changes and it's perfectly normal for them to be confused or even a little scared.  Why there isn't a Senioritis-Ed class is beyond me, this very real disease has its own definition in Merriam-Webster and Wikipedia entry (Thereby undoubtably proving its validity, who needs sources?). What was once considered homework now goes by the name "Stupid-Dumb-Stupid-Whatever-Doesn't-Even-Matter-Work".  This epidemic needs to be stopped...and I'd totally do it, but I'm tired or something...whatever

The Madness Never Ends

Why do I do this to myself? In addition to hours of theatre, work, and homework, I decided to offer my spare second of free time to write a catchy jingle for the popular Bobby's Blog Banter.  WHAT? WHY DID I DO THAT? First of all, Ms. Serensky's improv theme songs (followed by a very disturbing cuckoo noise) are timeless, how am I supposed to compete with that? Second, I am not an overachiever by nature, I usually leave that to those select few who keep journals and try to bargain a free 100% in exchange for growing their hair out, so why did I decide to add another stupid goal to my stupid list of stupid, stupid...goals? This is my curse, my madness, if you will, I have an annoying habit of piling on activities without understanding the consequences until far too late. Oh well, I guess I can look forward to Ms. Serensky being very disappointed in my lack of theme songs for the rest of the year.

The AP English Curse

Yes, it's true, Gogol and his merry band of identity-confused Indian-Americans are out of our lives for good (at least until that stupid AP test thing or whatever), and in their place we pick up a new ensemble cast of mentally-challenged riffraff and I could not be more excited, but I have that terrible sinking feeling that this book (Like every single one we've read) will experience the titular AP English Curse.  What is this curse, you ask?  Well shut up, obviously I was gonna tell you, why would I write a blog about it if I didn't want to tell you?... Duh...Anyway, the Curse consists of a few things:
1.The Book Seeps Into Your Life: A growing problem among AP English students is their sense of living in the world of the book they're analyzing.  Whether this be having (Gasp!) problems with their sense of identity, (Double Gasp) a feeling of wanting to escape their parents, or (Triple Gasp) being sold into slavery(...maybe that was just me), we just cannot escape connecting things in our life to our current book of interest.  Thankfully, we are already all insane.
2.Hating the Main Character: Because living in the world gets obnoxious, a majority of AP English students tend to hate the main character.  There is, however, always one person (No names will be said here...in order to protect Carolyn's anonymity) who will say things like "Chris McCandless is just...like...a free spirit" or "Inception", these people will usually suffer the collective wrath of the class for the shameless crime of actually thinking a protagonist isn't... you know... a source of ultimate evil/stupidity.  This could prove problematic when the main characters all have mental disorders...awkward.
3.Beating a Theme Into the Ground:Maybe it's our critical analysis but I've been noticing that authors REALLY like making themes nice and obvious... and repeating over and over again.  You'll notice in my copy of The Namesake on page 4 I have written "AMERICA IS NOT INDIA", or in other books I have penned "HEY IT TURNS OUT SLAVERY ISN'T SO GREAT" or "CHRIS MCCANDLESS IS AN IDIOT".  This could just be me, but the sense of discovery in a book is lost when the moral is easily discovered before the end of chapter one. I have a sense with this book, but to be fair I've seen the movie, so I'll give it a pass and blame myself.
4....You're welcome?