"So how do you feel about ending AP English?" "...You're in AP English?" "...Yeah...I'm your partner..."
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Monday, May 2, 2011
Why You Should Never Take Melatonin Before an AP Test
For some strange reason, Iago, Algernon, and Junior are all watching me take my AP Lit test...like some weird hallucination or terrifying fever dream. I will spend more time listening to these nightmarish phantoms than prewriting and Ms. Serensky will throughly scowl as she reviews my work...especially when she realizes I wrote my essay on the differences between Waiting for Godot, The Sound and the Fury, and Exit the King...in Latin...for my poetry analysis.
Junior: "I'd like one of those for myself" (Currie, 186)
Algernon: "I'm sorry for that, for your sake"(Wilde, 1)
Iago:"Is't possible, my lord?"(Shakespeare, 3.3.355)
Junior: "I don't know what I was expecting, but this was not it"(Currie, 160)
Iago:"This is the fruits of whoring"(Shakespeare, 5.1.116)
Algernon: "I call that business"(Wilde, 3)
Junior:"Listen, some has happened to me, here"(Currie, 122)
Iago:"Come, stand not amazed with it"(Shakespeare, 4.3.239)
Algernon:"Produce your explanation, and pray make it improbable"(Wilde, 5)
Junior:"I knew it would be bad. but I did not know it would be this bad." (Currie, 170)
Algernon:"The truth is rarely pure and never simple"(Wilde, 6)
Iago: "Nay, this was but his dream." (Shakespeare, 3.3.424)
Junior: "Even I'm entitled to get excited"(Currie, 195)
Algernon:"Nobody ever does"(Wilde, 19)
Iago:"I...take my leave" (Shakespeare, 3.3.256)
And so they all left, leaving me to wonder why I was daydreaming about literary characters instead of trying to pave the way for my college...Eh, back to Latin.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
This Book is an AWESOME Book!
William Shakespeare woke up one morning, rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, pulled on his high socks and stumbled into the kitchen to make some breakfast. After deciding that today was a "Apple Cheerio Wednesday", he poured a nice bowl of said cereal and sat down to pen one of his greatest works, Othello, and my favorite book of this year. Sure, it deals with social issues and blabbity blah blah but I read a book for the characters and their reactions to situations, and oooooohhhhwweeee does Othello deliver the goods or what? Othello represents this eternal quest to be taken seriously by our peers and never truly succeeding to meet other's unrealistic expectations:"Speak of me as I am"(Shakespeare, 5.2.338). The ladies, admittedly, do very little for me as an actor (unless I watch an actor perform them on stage) but my favorite character, of any character this year, has got to be Iago! He redefines villainy to a point where I have to applaud him for straight-up fooling everyone and controlling the entire situation...until the very end:"I am a very villain else"(4.1.127) When compared to Iago, everyone seems like a hero, even Ms. Serensky when she argues with our perfectly rational choices in regards to non-fiction authors:"HARRIET JACOBS WAS A SLAVE! HOW DARE YOU HATE HER!!"(Ms. Serensky, That one time I said I hated Harriet Jacobs). Finally, the true reason I love Othello comes from the poetry in Shakespeare's writing, no one can replicate that in a way that both reads well and can be acted well (Lord knows I've tried pretty pathetically, see previous blogs for examples). So, to end, I say to my copy of Othello, "I am your own forever"(3.4.476).
Monday, April 25, 2011
Oh Boy, Lists are Back!
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the well-loved list has returned and I, for one, could not find more happiness than when I count down the "Top Ten Most Thrilling Academic Moments in my High School Career"!...unless pie was somehow involved, then I would be happier...just saying.
NUMBER 1!!!!!
JOSEPH GETTING A FIVE ON THE AP TEST!!!!!
I mean what? I may have gotten a number in between three and five, but I never expected quiet Joseph with a tendency to make belligerent and usually wrong comments to outscore a great deal of our class. It's moments like these that make me want to "Put out the light, then put out the light"(Shakespeare, 5.2.7) if you know what I mean...murder...that's what I mean.
NUMBER 2!!!!!
WORDS, WORDS, WORDS RAP!!!!!
I have mad flow and true talent for rhyming obscure words; That's why they call me the Obscure Wordsmith on the streets...or Dr. Bear. Anyway, I wrote a rap song for words, words, words with Alex Kreger for our final and it kicked the crap out of Joseph and Carolyn's rap...which felt so right. "O, beware, my lord, of jealousy!"(Shakespeare, 3.3.165), I said to Joseph, after schooling him in front of his friends...Then he got a five on the AP test...huh.
NUMBER 3!!!!!
WINNING THE PICKLEBALL TOURNAMENT IN GYM!!!!!
Not many people play pickleball, which could easily explain my winning one game, much less an entire tournament. For those uninformed, pickleball consists of ping-pong, tennis, and a complete stripping of any dignity you have left, but since two of those ingredients are technically sports, my chances at winning were slim to HAHAHAHAHAHAH NO, NO WAY, NOT A CHANCE. But, in the end, my triumphs are, "not a very interesting subject"(Wilde, 2), so I will stop boring you.
NUMBER 4!!!!!
STRAIGHT UP QUOTING THE BIBLE IN A DISCUSSION ON ETHAN FROME!!!!!
I thought being an atheist and knowing more about the bible than most Christians made me both cool and mysterious in tenth grade, instead it made me kind of a jerk...but I digress. I really enjoyed making Mrs. Hoffman's job more uncomfortable so bringing in religion to discussion (and also talking about how much Catcher in the Rye sucked) made my day. I felt so clever making a comparison between Ethan Frome and the entire book of Ezekial, but being clever did not help my grade in the least (I got a B) and so, "I am sick to death of cleverness." (Wilde, 16)
NUMBER 5!!!!!
GETTING INTO NYU!!!!!
This is really more of an acting accomplishment, but NYU also only takes smart people so I'm blurring the lines a little bit here. Getting into a dream school should go on the top ten list of anything, even something totally off-topic like top ten pirates or gold-rush era diseases. I would like to play pretend for a living and I can think of no better place to "[lead] a double life"(Wilde, 24) than a sixty-three thousand dollar debt-hole!
NUMBER 6!!!!!
JOINING THE PERFORMING ARTS ACADEMY!!!!!
My friends, teachers and relatives have already grown tired of my nonsense in regards to acting, but I just can not express how much this program has influenced my life. However, when it comes to free time, "I'd like one of those, a life"(Currie Jr., 186)
NUMBER 7!!!!!
MS. SERENSKY'S CLASS IN GENERAL!!!!!
Wooha sucking up! I do actually really enjoy the constant workload, I feel a strange sense of camaraderie stemming from an innate fear of Ms. Serensky's wrath. Remember fellow AP'ers, "[There will] never be anything but the sorrow...and the determination to go forth in the face of that sorrow."(Currie Jr., 121)
NUMBER 8!!!!!
SEVENTH PERIOD COMMONS, FIRST SEMESTER!!!!!
Again, not much education here, but what a great collection of people! I always say high school creates friends by proxy and that makes me sad, but I'm glad that for one semester I had a fabulous assortment of friends to chat and connect with. "Even if everything else around here has changed," my adoration for you guys will stay exactly the same (Currie Jr., 166).
NUMBER 9!!!!!
MARCHING BAND!!!!!
As I mentioned before, collective suffering brings people together and nothing comes closer to an internment camp in high school than band camp...or internment camp camp, but no one goes there. All the fun of coming together as a grade and messing with other "campers" makes up for having to play for hours. So band camp, "I am your own forever."(Shakespeare, 3.4.476)
NUMBER 10!!!!!
WINNING MULTIPLE CHOICE GAMES!!!!!
There is nothing better than winning (JK there's pie). I have been the top scorer in two out of the eight AP multiple choice games I have played and it feels so good to go "Hey, someone smarter than me, guess you're not so...smart now...huh?" That always gets them. I did not even place in the last two but I know that "What seem to us bitter trials are often blessings in disguise." (Wilde, 28).
NUMBER 11!!!!!
YOU'RE WELCOME!!!!!
NUMBER 1!!!!!
JOSEPH GETTING A FIVE ON THE AP TEST!!!!!
I mean what? I may have gotten a number in between three and five, but I never expected quiet Joseph with a tendency to make belligerent and usually wrong comments to outscore a great deal of our class. It's moments like these that make me want to "Put out the light, then put out the light"(Shakespeare, 5.2.7) if you know what I mean...murder...that's what I mean.
NUMBER 2!!!!!
WORDS, WORDS, WORDS RAP!!!!!
I have mad flow and true talent for rhyming obscure words; That's why they call me the Obscure Wordsmith on the streets...or Dr. Bear. Anyway, I wrote a rap song for words, words, words with Alex Kreger for our final and it kicked the crap out of Joseph and Carolyn's rap...which felt so right. "O, beware, my lord, of jealousy!"(Shakespeare, 3.3.165), I said to Joseph, after schooling him in front of his friends...Then he got a five on the AP test...huh.
NUMBER 3!!!!!
WINNING THE PICKLEBALL TOURNAMENT IN GYM!!!!!
Not many people play pickleball, which could easily explain my winning one game, much less an entire tournament. For those uninformed, pickleball consists of ping-pong, tennis, and a complete stripping of any dignity you have left, but since two of those ingredients are technically sports, my chances at winning were slim to HAHAHAHAHAHAH NO, NO WAY, NOT A CHANCE. But, in the end, my triumphs are, "not a very interesting subject"(Wilde, 2), so I will stop boring you.
NUMBER 4!!!!!
STRAIGHT UP QUOTING THE BIBLE IN A DISCUSSION ON ETHAN FROME!!!!!
I thought being an atheist and knowing more about the bible than most Christians made me both cool and mysterious in tenth grade, instead it made me kind of a jerk...but I digress. I really enjoyed making Mrs. Hoffman's job more uncomfortable so bringing in religion to discussion (and also talking about how much Catcher in the Rye sucked) made my day. I felt so clever making a comparison between Ethan Frome and the entire book of Ezekial, but being clever did not help my grade in the least (I got a B) and so, "I am sick to death of cleverness." (Wilde, 16)
NUMBER 5!!!!!
GETTING INTO NYU!!!!!
This is really more of an acting accomplishment, but NYU also only takes smart people so I'm blurring the lines a little bit here. Getting into a dream school should go on the top ten list of anything, even something totally off-topic like top ten pirates or gold-rush era diseases. I would like to play pretend for a living and I can think of no better place to "[lead] a double life"(Wilde, 24) than a sixty-three thousand dollar debt-hole!
NUMBER 6!!!!!
JOINING THE PERFORMING ARTS ACADEMY!!!!!
My friends, teachers and relatives have already grown tired of my nonsense in regards to acting, but I just can not express how much this program has influenced my life. However, when it comes to free time, "I'd like one of those, a life"(Currie Jr., 186)
NUMBER 7!!!!!
MS. SERENSKY'S CLASS IN GENERAL!!!!!
Wooha sucking up! I do actually really enjoy the constant workload, I feel a strange sense of camaraderie stemming from an innate fear of Ms. Serensky's wrath. Remember fellow AP'ers, "[There will] never be anything but the sorrow...and the determination to go forth in the face of that sorrow."(Currie Jr., 121)
NUMBER 8!!!!!
SEVENTH PERIOD COMMONS, FIRST SEMESTER!!!!!
Again, not much education here, but what a great collection of people! I always say high school creates friends by proxy and that makes me sad, but I'm glad that for one semester I had a fabulous assortment of friends to chat and connect with. "Even if everything else around here has changed," my adoration for you guys will stay exactly the same (Currie Jr., 166).
NUMBER 9!!!!!
MARCHING BAND!!!!!
As I mentioned before, collective suffering brings people together and nothing comes closer to an internment camp in high school than band camp...or internment camp camp, but no one goes there. All the fun of coming together as a grade and messing with other "campers" makes up for having to play for hours. So band camp, "I am your own forever."(Shakespeare, 3.4.476)
NUMBER 10!!!!!
WINNING MULTIPLE CHOICE GAMES!!!!!
There is nothing better than winning (JK there's pie). I have been the top scorer in two out of the eight AP multiple choice games I have played and it feels so good to go "Hey, someone smarter than me, guess you're not so...smart now...huh?" That always gets them. I did not even place in the last two but I know that "What seem to us bitter trials are often blessings in disguise." (Wilde, 28).
NUMBER 11!!!!!
YOU'RE WELCOME!!!!!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Things I Would Probably Wish to Forget If I Had Any Sense of Morality
I probably should be more embarrassed with the things I do. I seem to embarrass others (especially my parents) so easily, perhaps I should join the club. For example, when I picked the poem "Death of an Infant" by Lydia H. Sigourney for our poetry project, I could not wait to make several classmates uncomfortable and alienate Miss Serensky from participating in the saddest pinata ever. I felt no shame in asking Chase Plante to simply massacre a baby/spongebob pinata for no candy while wearing a scream mask, in fact it only added to making this my favorite poem. I associate poems with emotions and memories, otherwise I only see a series of random pretty words in a pretentious sequence of nonsense. So the memory of ironically shaking maracas to the ditty of a dying child written by a woman who lost three children to illness really "is the cause" of my happiness associated with this poem. I also loved the discussion and how quickly some people associated the poem with religion, under the guise that "'tis happiness to die". But it really comes down to Sigourney's beautiful writing that sold me on this poem, I felt connected to the speaker intimately and I loved teaching the poem to an audience of my peers. I still wish Ms. Serensky had a crack at the pinata, "That's a fault."
Monday, April 18, 2011
These are a Few of my Favorite Things
I find beauty in simplicity. The simple things like getting a good grade, winning the multiple-choice game, and destroying someone in a graded discussion all serve to brighten my life. But my favorite moment out of a slew of fantastic memories comes from something truly beautiful; Moushumi's mustache.
The internet, unfortunately, has destroyed every single scrap of evidence of this gorgeous, life-changing piece of beauty, so I had to place a replacement picture on the left (which I hope you can see). Anyway, I had just finished this book which I did not like and only had solace in the knowledge that I had a movie to look forward to. But, if books usually outrank the movie, then I knew this film was gonna be crap, but, "We live in an age of ideals", so I went along with the hope that I would find marginal entertainment in watching Kumar NOT go to White Castle for some reason. The film started with the soundtrack of Ms. Serensky snickering away at some hidden knowledge of an impending rite of passage: There would be life before this moment and life afterwards. After sitting through a great deal of trite nonsense and cries of "Gogol" from Chris (and myself), I heard the resounding cry of "Zounds!" from Shoemaker (I exaggerate a little, but you get the idea). What could have made him shout so?...Only the oncoming of marvelous destiny in its full pheonix-like form. I looked up from my copy of All My Sons (OMG I'M AN ACTOR! HEY EVERYONE LOOK HOW WELL READ I AM!) to fully take in the oddest collection of images I have ever witnessed: A strangely pudgy-faced girl with ill-fitting glasses, hair that looked purposefully awful and, to top it all off, a certified grade-a mustachio. The culmination of emotions in the room rose to a high collective giggle as we all marveled at this quick glance into a parallel universe of horror, but for me, "There's no anger, no joy, no indifference", just pure astonishment at the revelation that I can never truly "un-see" this nightmare...So and that is why I have such fond memories of AP English!
The internet, unfortunately, has destroyed every single scrap of evidence of this gorgeous, life-changing piece of beauty, so I had to place a replacement picture on the left (which I hope you can see). Anyway, I had just finished this book which I did not like and only had solace in the knowledge that I had a movie to look forward to. But, if books usually outrank the movie, then I knew this film was gonna be crap, but, "We live in an age of ideals", so I went along with the hope that I would find marginal entertainment in watching Kumar NOT go to White Castle for some reason. The film started with the soundtrack of Ms. Serensky snickering away at some hidden knowledge of an impending rite of passage: There would be life before this moment and life afterwards. After sitting through a great deal of trite nonsense and cries of "Gogol" from Chris (and myself), I heard the resounding cry of "Zounds!" from Shoemaker (I exaggerate a little, but you get the idea). What could have made him shout so?...Only the oncoming of marvelous destiny in its full pheonix-like form. I looked up from my copy of All My Sons (OMG I'M AN ACTOR! HEY EVERYONE LOOK HOW WELL READ I AM!) to fully take in the oddest collection of images I have ever witnessed: A strangely pudgy-faced girl with ill-fitting glasses, hair that looked purposefully awful and, to top it all off, a certified grade-a mustachio. The culmination of emotions in the room rose to a high collective giggle as we all marveled at this quick glance into a parallel universe of horror, but for me, "There's no anger, no joy, no indifference", just pure astonishment at the revelation that I can never truly "un-see" this nightmare...So and that is why I have such fond memories of AP English!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Who Put These Two Together?
Scene -- Maine, Reggie Fox's new manservant Lane has arrived carrying a tray of two champagne glasses and holds a considerable amount of C4 behind his back with the other hand
[Enter LANE]
LANE. Mr. Reggie Fox
[Enter FOX]
FOX. Yo, what up Lane?
LANE. Not much Reginald, what's crackin'?
FOX. Do you remember what I said about robbing banks now that Disabled Social Security no longer pays for you as my manservant?
LANE. "No sir; it is not a very interesting subject."
FOX. Well shut up, the government ain't payin' you to say boring stuff. You are paid to announce my entrance into every room and put swizzle sticks into my champagne.
LANE. Yes sir.
FOX. Now keep the bank thing in mind cause "I'm gonna get read weird with it."
LANE. Oh I do love pop culture references sir!
FOX. Shut up Mary Poppins, now, did you get that C4 I asked you for?
LANE. "Yes, sir; eight bottles and a pint."
FOX. C4 comes in a liquid now?
LANE. Science, sir.
FOX. Indubitably, mothascratcha. Well anyway, I'm gonna use that C4 to not just rob a bank, "I'm-a blow that motherf***** up."
LANE. Well that will accomplish absolutely nothing positive sir
FOX. 'Scuse me?
LANE. Simple math dictates that destroying a building with a great deal of money leads all that money to be destroyed...even simpler math dictates that you are an imbecile.
FOX. "Least you finally bein' honest."
LANE. When am I ever not honest?
FOX. ....Shoot
LANE. Good day [Exit LANE]
[Enter LANE]
LANE. Mr. Reggie Fox
[Enter FOX]
FOX. Yo, what up Lane?
LANE. Not much Reginald, what's crackin'?
FOX. Do you remember what I said about robbing banks now that Disabled Social Security no longer pays for you as my manservant?
LANE. "No sir; it is not a very interesting subject."
FOX. Well shut up, the government ain't payin' you to say boring stuff. You are paid to announce my entrance into every room and put swizzle sticks into my champagne.
LANE. Yes sir.
FOX. Now keep the bank thing in mind cause "I'm gonna get read weird with it."
LANE. Oh I do love pop culture references sir!
FOX. Shut up Mary Poppins, now, did you get that C4 I asked you for?
LANE. "Yes, sir; eight bottles and a pint."
FOX. C4 comes in a liquid now?
LANE. Science, sir.
FOX. Indubitably, mothascratcha. Well anyway, I'm gonna use that C4 to not just rob a bank, "I'm-a blow that motherf***** up."
LANE. Well that will accomplish absolutely nothing positive sir
FOX. 'Scuse me?
LANE. Simple math dictates that destroying a building with a great deal of money leads all that money to be destroyed...even simpler math dictates that you are an imbecile.
FOX. "Least you finally bein' honest."
LANE. When am I ever not honest?
FOX. ....Shoot
LANE. Good day [Exit LANE]
Monday, April 11, 2011
Today Was A Good Day
Today marks the day, the day of all days
An hour upon, which all shall remember
As the great AP multiple choice game.
Students quake in fear as I enter the room.
There is less quaking when the other three
Blacken the doorway with their presence.
Alex Kreger, Thomas Donley and John
All trail behind me and form something
Great, we are the Redeem team.
"Holla! stand there!" I shout, we are here to do
One thing, and that is win. Then kill my wife.
But soft! Challengers approach with brute eyes
And stupid nicknames like High Style and Iago.
"He's the most popular boy in class", says
A girl with odd hair and a cool partner.
The teacher quiets everyone with a
Glare that tends on mortal souls.
"Number one is A" she speaks, and all cheer
"No talking until I say who got the points"
After the hush, she assumes "All groups"
A cheer resounds, high-fives and cries of "Toast"
Litter the air with their inanity. "Except"
She smiles a devilish smile and turns
"The dream team" O how her words burn!
"O, blood, blood, blood!" cry I, my rage rising
Thomas just journals, while Alex surmises
That I have developed a new rhyme scheme
And the end of the act means the end of our team.
We must step ahead if we wish to succeed!
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers
Carry on through the dark of an initial
Setback. Point upon point, arme upon arme,
We earn our keep as the team dreams are
Made of. As the final question approaches,
The score remains tied between our good souls
And Greenlaw's stacked team of champions.
Lady Serensky utters some garbage
About something wicked this way comes,
Then announces, bold and proud, the ending,
As it should be loud, "Our winner here,
I must admit, although I find them full of"
"Get on with it!" I shout, "Enough of this
Petty pace". "Fine," she states, "Of course it's you"
"They cheated!" shouts Henry, "Through and through"
We won by being smarter than you
"This only is the witchcraft I have used"
And so my best day has come to an end
Give not this rotten orange to your friend
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Why I'll Never Interview A Cocaine Addict Again
Partial transcripts from the files of Dominic Russo, B.S., B.F.A., Actor and Unqualified Psychiatrist, Chagrin Falls, Ohio. Client is Rodney Thibodeau. Sessions conducted between 4/7 and 4/7. Transcribed to hard copy from my Capote-esque memory.
4/7, Thurs., 1:00-1:50 p.m., client's home
Who are you?
.....
Oh, you don't look like my normal psychiatrist, that's why I asked.
.....
Yeah, I was!
.....
Why do you need to say what I was in?
.....
Oh, it's a cool literary device? That's nice.
.....
No I do not know what a literary device is.
.....
Well, starting over then, I was in AP English 11 last year!
.....
I don't know about any of that, I think anyone could take AP English.
.....
Yep, even me!
.....
Well actually cocaine really would have helped me get through that class, because I get distracted sometimes with a lot of instructions
.....
I don't remember how cocaine connected to that.
.....
I forget things pretty much all the time.
.....
Well it reminds me of when Junior says, "You're smarter than me in a lot of ways.", except at memorizing quotes, which explains why I dropped this year.
.....
Oh yeah, I understand two things really better than everyone: Baseball and non-fiction literature. I guess people just like to watch baseball more.
.....
No, I would not say that, after all, "Everything matters".
.....
What?
.....
I never say that in the book?
.....
So that quote does not count?
.....
Oh, well then I guess we still have to force two more quotes then, huh?
.....
Oh it's no problem, I'll wait.
4/7, Thurs., 1:55- 3:00 p.m., client's home
Did you have a nice bathroom break?
.....
Thank you, I bet you have nice sinks too.
.....
Oh yeah, AP English! I totally forgot! Um, I guess I learned how to write. That matters a lot.
.....
No, Junior did not do AP English.
.....
I would not say he missed out much, he can find a great place to discuss literature and develop a class-wide bond that no one else understands somewhere else.
.....
"Listen, I don't like you saying things like that about my brother."
.....
Well he got scared of Ms. Serensky like every other junior in existence.
.....
What?
.....
I don't get it.
.....
Oh, his name is Junior and he was a junior in high school at one point in his life, I guess that's funny.
.....
You're probably right, I don't really understand most complicated jokes.
.....
Junior, the junior, thought Ms. Serensky's quotes were funny but a little, um what's the word?
.....
No, it starts with an "r"
.....
Rushed! Yeah! But he understood, he said something about nice gestures and too much thought, what do you think?
.....
About the quotes.
.....
You think they could go away?
.....
No I don't believe that.
.....
"Because God wouldn't do that to us."
.....
I'm sorry, this interview isn't working out.
.....
Because even I can tell you're not really a psychiatrist.
.....
Because of your Heinen's uniform.
[Client exhibiting uncharacteristic signs of agitation; calling real psychiatrist, calling the police, calling a pizza guy, frequently mentioning introducing my head to the business end of a Louisville Slugger]
.....
Dom, I want you to go
.....
Because the pizza will be here soon and I'm one-hundred percent positive you peed in my sink.
.....
[Client shouts something about how the sinks are no longer pretty, rising from his seat and exhibiting highly agitated and hungry behavior. Session terminated.]
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Living on the Edge

There's a remarkably refreshing feeling that comes from coming home at 11:07 p.m. on a Thursday night and realizing you have to type a blog and a comment by midnight. Ooh that sweet adrenaline that you no longer receive thanks to your healthy diet of zero athletic activities and facebook overdosing. You rush up to your father (who, as par usual, is still up and wearing silly pajamas) for a late dinner and plop down in front of the computer for the most frantic typing session of your life (besides that one time in third grade when you really wanted to beat that smart kid at a typing contest...you lied anyway about how fast you were after you lost, but this time you feel like a winner). You pick up your guitar (your only source of solace in this Willy Wonka-esque poop factory you call a home) and, ballerina-like, snag the tray of recently-microwaved chicken from your father's lanky, too-skinny-for-his-own-good arms. The time has come to prove who you are as a professional B.S-er. Your talent is B.S.-erry began at a young age from your very first fib (that your dad, did in fact, have a job and it was a : Awesome basketball-playing astronaut karate-master) and has now grown into full fruition. After Bull-spitting the king of all Black-swatters (A Mr. John Brownlow), you come to the conclusion that only way to go up is through meta-blogging...and ooh it feels so good. Another quick bite of that semi-zesty chicken to spur you through the next sentence and you feel the end swiftly approaching. This battle against time has left your left wrist feeling the familiar creeping arthritis that runs in the family (along with several other wicked awesome hereditary diseases like heart attacks and cancer!), but still you press on. Just one more sentence. Something to end on that sounds like you actually have some intelligence left in that empty skull....Bingo! Yahtzee! You've got it! Eureka! End on something everyone remembers, a staple, a memory.
Thank you.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
True Life:I Seem To Think I'm a Rapper Now

This is how I imagine I look when I freestyle rap in the middle of band. Just kidding. I look way cooler than that guy. If you have been anywhere near me in the past couple of days, you may have noticed me mumbling to myself in some sort of a lyrical fashion while awkwardly bobbing my head up and down to invisible bass drums. No, I have not joined a cult, I have instead developed a sad belief that I can rap with some talent. Why I have now chosen to drop into a rhythm-infused faux hip-hop artist at this point in my life, I have no idea. I can possibly attribute this to a vast knowledge of hip-hop instilled at a young age (I was given a copy of The Chronic when I was nine) finally coming into bloom or perhaps some sort of mid-young-mid crisis due to our newest book Everything Matters! What if I die tomorrow without fulfilling my secret dreams of being able to rap!? No one will feel the heat of my rhymes, hear my simply popping (with a hard "g" sound) lyrics, or stomp to the mad beats that I put down! No one will experience...Dr. Bear...yes that is my rap name...Dr. Motherscratchin' Bear. With this new persona, I can do anything! People will say "Why does Dom keep calling himself Dr. Bear?" and someone wiser will say "You mean, 'why does Dr. Bear keep calling himself Dr. Bear?'". It can only grow from there: I predict some fancy cars, a new laser helicopter (I'm a nerd), and a whole bunch of ladies (uh...to keep my girlfriend company...I hope she does not read this...I'm a nerd). So, when I own the airwaves with my vernacular of the streets (or go to jail), you can remember me as that kid with the dream...who ended up in jail.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Let's Play:Pop The Bubble!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Come See My Show... Please
Ah existentialism...how I love thee so. If you have looked at my face in the past week or so, you may have made some comments like these: "Damn, Dominic looks really good", "I routinely get lost in that boy's eyes" or "Wait, why does he have a terribly ugly beard all of the sudden?". Well, those first two are normal and are expected, but if you have heard yourself thinking that last one, fear not, I have a reason for this atrocious clump of facial hair taking over my chin like an unattractive virus: I'm performing in the Performing Arts Academy's production of Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett!...No? No idea what that is? Well, I guess SOME people missed the "20th Century Absurdist Theatrical Masterpiece" lesson last week! For those slackers, I will explain the general plot: Two guys...wait for Godot...that's it! I would compare this play to Seinfeld in which nothing concrete happens but instead it focuses on the relationships of four men and the human condition of waiting. I do not mean to brag (because I have no reason to) but this show is a theatrical masterpiece and should be extra credit to go see (Hint hint Ms. Serensky). I would really appreciate if some of you guys came to see it, but if you do not then I will...just move on with my life, because nothing really matters in the world of Beckett or AP English for that matter.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
No Day But Today
As the majority of you know, I am a complete loser...wait, no, that's not what I meant at all...what I meant to say was "I am a fan of musicals to the point of embarrassment of my peers and family members". There, much better. And as a fan of musicals, I have an unhealthy obsession with the Pulitzer Prize winning show, RENT...like more unhealthy than Natalie Portman in Black Swan. After standing in line for an hour with my dad because we serendipitously stumbled across the opening night of RENT playing at Elon University in North Carolina, I realized that I might not have a problem after all! An obsession with a great work of art or a powerful mantra holds much less "creepy stalker fixation" than say...stalking someone. RENT, a multiple Tony Award winning show and the ninth-longest running show on Broadway, contains many life-affirmations (and allusions to Pucini's La Boheme) that seem perfectly natural to strive for: "Live each moment as my last", "Measure in love", and "La Vie Boheme". A break from materialism in favor of love everlasting; I find it hard to believe that someone would argue against that, so is it wrong to have an infatuation with something not commonly accepted, even if underneath the shell of nonconformity a basic truth lies?
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
I Refuse To Be ... That Guy
If you've ever even been in my vicinity while I was in the middle of one of my signature rants on society (also known as the "what's up with that" talk, I came up with it myself), you've probably heard me say "I don't want to be... that guy." But who is ...that guy? Well my fair and faithful fan base (all 8 of you) that guy is a synecdoche (OMG AP ENGLISH) for all of the men who do something stupid or selfish that causes others to look down on them...kinda obvious why I would not want to emulate this persona, but this task always proves surprisingly difficult. For example, my brother has discovered the blissful freedoms of XBOX Live, an online video-game experience currently unparalleled in the gaming community. He has used this new freedom to exercise his ability to swear loudly at strangers and repeat nonsensical phrases as if, when the XBOX turns on, he turns into a broken record of Dr. Suess featuring David Mamet. When I first witnessed this, I felt all the familiar symptoms creeping in: Disgust, disbelief, slight loss of appetite...oh no, my brother had become...that guy! After all I'd worked for, all my sufferings to prevent myself from falling into the dark side, I had lost my brother to the very thing I've been fighting! I'd become ... that guy by accident! Sometimes avoiding the thing you're scared of the most ends up hurting those around you, has this ever affected any of you?
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Oh You Have No Idea
This angry, angry man represents my feeling when someone asks me "What's a college audition? Why would you do that?" Now, I'm not necessarily mad because people are bloody ignorant apes but more because theatre (and acting specifically) remains one of the only careers where you have to prove your talent on the spot before the college even considers you. A college audition consists of a few standard things:The hours of travel spent re-reading monologues and comic books, the effeminate man signing you in and mispronouncing your last name (seriously, it's Russo...not that hard), hours of waiting before you show off to about one to five very bored professors for about three minutes, an hour of crying in the bathroom, then several weeks of waiting next to your mailbox as you await the result of practicing two monologues a couple of times. The real frustration, however, comes from the "Why?" because honestly?...I don't know. It does not make any sense that I would have to train for hours to attend a college (averaging at about 40 to 50 thousand dollars a year) for a career that typically makes an average of zero dollars a year (discounting waiter's tips or "I told you so" sympathy dollars from grandparents). Why only actors? I think more socially relevant professions should have to audition as well! Like doctors! Quick! You have three minutes to perform surgery on this guy...then wait three months to find out if he lived! Such is life I suppose, but if I'm not at school, it's a safe bet to assume that I'm going through more stress than most people can imagine...but not you...you take AP English...you understand.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Keep the Blogs!
Seriously, I find it hard to believe that anyone would care to get rid of these marvelous creations that we call blogs. It shakes me down to my very core, not literally because that would be weird and require medical attention but I think you get what I'm saying. These blogs give me a form of creative release that I find hard to express sometimes in the rigidity of our class and in the process of timed writings in general. I also think reading other people's blogs and hoping to get on the blog banter adds a frail sense of purpose to my empty shell of an existence... So yeah, big ups of the bloggios (as the young kids call them). If the blogs go, I go!...not really, I just wanted to end on a positive note.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
A Year in Pictures!
Well, finals are coming up for all you folks who take actually classes besides AP English and WHOA YEAH NORMAL STATS. So I decided I would make my own little top ten list...wait, we only need eight photos?...My own little top EIGHT list of my favorite photos of the year and what they represent to me in terms of AP English with each one so it doesn't seem like I'm pointgrabbing.
1.This picture of the space shuttle Endeavour silhouetted against Earth's background symbolizes our lifting off from Chagrin Falls High School to (hopefully) greater places...space wouldn't be so bad.

2.These old people know little about politics. As members of the Tea Party (literally...the Boston Tea Party), they still find themselves confused that the words "black" and "president" can be placed next to each other. The clever communist logo on that man's poster reminded me of how bothered I find myself when people fail to research something obvious like grammar...or the definition of communism.
3.Oh...my...god...this picture has a lightning bolt striking a volcano while it shoots out hot lava all over Iceland....just add a unicorn and you have the most awesome photo ever...Just like AP English is the most awesome class ever!
4.This picture of a guy with really cool hair at the NFL Draft probably knows more about sport (and hair products) than I'd ever care to know. However, unlike the NFL draft, I know how the AP English Multiple Choice Game Draft works. Also, unlike the NFL draft, the people who you pick DEFINITELY matter! There will always be a totally stacked team (probably consisting of women), the guys will always segregate themselves into two groups and Carolyn's team will have a dumb slogan like "Toast"
5.Queen Elizabeth scares the crap out of me...I can't explain why. Maybe it's her cold stare directly into your soul or her power that only affects a certain population of people but I just get the willies whenever I see her...I have no one to compare this to in AP English...There is no high authority figure who I sometimes fear for reasons unknown...Her name certainly doesn't rhyme with Bobinski.
6. These Indonesians have no idea that the determination and strength it takes to hold onto a moving train to get to work simply PALES in comparison to typing a data sheet... I could hold onto a train in my sleep...pansies.
7. Oh hey there Saudi soldier, whatcha got there? A snake! You say you're eating a snake to prove your manliness to the other soldiers? Well have you even penned a timed essay without the use of the book? You haven't! Well then I guess my entire AP English remains manlier than a soldier eating a snake...as par usual
8.Sometimes I feel like a sad, half-naked Asian man carrying my man-purse by my neck in a river of what appears to be urine... oh sure it's oddly specific, but I'm sure you have similar Suessian nightmare feelings such as this one, and only one thing can solve it... realizing you have no finals to worry about! A blog talk?! OH BLESS THE GODS! HAHA ALL YOU PEOPLE TAKING CALC! I'll be scampering off to normal stats (whoa yeah) and enjoying my rest.
9. You're Welcome
1.This picture of the space shuttle Endeavour silhouetted against Earth's background symbolizes our lifting off from Chagrin Falls High School to (hopefully) greater places...space wouldn't be so bad.

2.These old people know little about politics. As members of the Tea Party (literally...the Boston Tea Party), they still find themselves confused that the words "black" and "president" can be placed next to each other. The clever communist logo on that man's poster reminded me of how bothered I find myself when people fail to research something obvious like grammar...or the definition of communism.
3.Oh...my...god...this picture has a lightning bolt striking a volcano while it shoots out hot lava all over Iceland....just add a unicorn and you have the most awesome photo ever...Just like AP English is the most awesome class ever!
4.This picture of a guy with really cool hair at the NFL Draft probably knows more about sport (and hair products) than I'd ever care to know. However, unlike the NFL draft, I know how the AP English Multiple Choice Game Draft works. Also, unlike the NFL draft, the people who you pick DEFINITELY matter! There will always be a totally stacked team (probably consisting of women), the guys will always segregate themselves into two groups and Carolyn's team will have a dumb slogan like "Toast"
5.Queen Elizabeth scares the crap out of me...I can't explain why. Maybe it's her cold stare directly into your soul or her power that only affects a certain population of people but I just get the willies whenever I see her...I have no one to compare this to in AP English...There is no high authority figure who I sometimes fear for reasons unknown...Her name certainly doesn't rhyme with Bobinski.
6. These Indonesians have no idea that the determination and strength it takes to hold onto a moving train to get to work simply PALES in comparison to typing a data sheet... I could hold onto a train in my sleep...pansies.
7. Oh hey there Saudi soldier, whatcha got there? A snake! You say you're eating a snake to prove your manliness to the other soldiers? Well have you even penned a timed essay without the use of the book? You haven't! Well then I guess my entire AP English remains manlier than a soldier eating a snake...as par usual
8.Sometimes I feel like a sad, half-naked Asian man carrying my man-purse by my neck in a river of what appears to be urine... oh sure it's oddly specific, but I'm sure you have similar Suessian nightmare feelings such as this one, and only one thing can solve it... realizing you have no finals to worry about! A blog talk?! OH BLESS THE GODS! HAHA ALL YOU PEOPLE TAKING CALC! I'll be scampering off to normal stats (whoa yeah) and enjoying my rest.
9. You're Welcome
Thursday, January 6, 2011
(Data) Sheet-er Island
You may be asking yourself, "Why is that dashing young man with outrageous physical strength and intelligence wasting his time with a comprehensive book analysis of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest?" The answer is simple really, I am an undercover U.S Marshall disguised as a college-bound adult taking a college level English class...I also look a whole lot like that guy from Inception. My real name is Onicmid Usros, but I go by the much easier to pronounce Dominic Russo...no one suspects a thing. I've been sent on a case to recover a missing student by the name of Micniod Oruss, but none of the students seem to remember a student by that name, and the teacher is no help either: "Dom, shut up, you're not a U.S Marshall, now go do your data sheet." or "Micniod? That's just Dominic spelled incorrectly, do you think I'm an idiot?" are the typical responses I receive from ruthless interrogation (which consists of passive-aggressive Facebook statuses and making rude comments about their parking abilities) Now everyone's convinced I'm actually an AP English student and they're not letting me out of this class without finishing this data sheet. Looks like there is no escape, I have to live with the guilt of my own procrastination for the rest of my life. Is it better to live as a genius or die as really attractive, good-smelling, person who does not type twenty-page papers?
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Back to School Blues
Cue the soulful bass-line, low-key drums, and the heavy-set female singer because I've got a bad case of the blues; Break finally comes to an end tomorrow and we have nothing to look forward to with the exception of finals and a data sheet. BUT FEAR NOT! As AP English students, we have the astounding ability to sink right back into the daily grind of school and (gasp) actually enjoy ourselves throughout the day, all fueled by the deep-seated love/fear of English class. And really, we're graduating soon, some of us have already been accepted into colleges and I know that I've personally checked out of several classes (WHOA YEAH NORMAL STATS). This moment actually feels more sweet than bitter; although this will go down in history as our last winter break at Chagrin, it only signifies our moving on to bigger and (hopefully) better things with the knowledge we gained here. So whether you plan on counting the days until spring break or you plan on never leaving Ms. Serensky's classroom (If you look hard enough, you can still see Joey Radu sneaking around), I thank you guys for sharing a wonderful four years of high school and an even more wonderful two years of English with me.
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